the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
