found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
