Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
