What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just high enough for therapy.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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