I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
