Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
