my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
