the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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