We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
