It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
