I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
