next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
