You really coming over, don't trick.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
