She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
