Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
