he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
