i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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