I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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