we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize