I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
