Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
