So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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