Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
