in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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