We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
