i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I met the friendliest cop last night
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
