Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
