maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize