I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
