tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
