I want to walk on stilts...naked
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
