I need help removing her.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
