went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
