am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
