She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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