i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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