lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
