how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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