this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
