I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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