Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
