I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
