For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
