you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
