I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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