you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
