Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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