I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
