Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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