why didn't you poke me back
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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