i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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