his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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