i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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