About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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