There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
