what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My life is pants optional.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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