thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
