Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
farters have to be the big spoon...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My penis needs a shock collar
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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