Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
