peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
