If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
