3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
