between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
