i think my tv is drunk
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
