Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
