As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
